All Under One Roof

And we all know how this one goes.....

Yet again I've let myself get involved with someone who can't give me what I want. I really didn't realize the common problem amoungst young men of today, commitment.

I almost feel guilty for wanting non-materialistic things like a husband, kids, nice home and car (which by the way I don't want tomorrow). I also think it is too much to ask for so next time I'll be sure to ask for expensive gifts and a care free life style.

I often wonder why I crave such things and here's my conclusion;
I had a shit upbringing to be honest and having a family of my own is my way of proving that a family is all about love, trust, honesty...

I'm 25 soon and grew up far too quickly but I wasn't a teen mum. Wanted to do things properly but I'm starting to feel like Bridget fuckin' Jones! So this brings me to my first question. At what age do you think it's appropriate to start feeling a little pissed off with the world and lack of sharing that same sense of wanting a family with someone you love?

I once came soo soo close and I'm just thinking, when's it my turn?
I'm gonna do it again. Beat myself up over 'The One That Got Away'
Engaged, stable home, plans of kids and even a wedding dress (that was gorgeous by the way)
I feel like time is melting away and I keep starting all over again.

I need to re-think my priorities

I do however want to thank Ed and Bee for their continued support. I know you're always here for me and I trust you both implicitly

'Engaged, stable home, plans of kids and even a wedding dress (that was gorgeous by the way)'

Now I know that was about you Ed but don't worry it's not an issue for me as you should know lol

In short- I'M A TWAT

I'm feeling real frustrated at the moment for several reasons. I've been looking for some inspiration for my new tattoo. I kinda got an idea what I want but can't find an image of a guitar that I actually like... Raaaaahh! So the plan is to have a guitar tattooed on my back full length from neck to bum, ouch! Somewhere behind that I want the notes on a keyboard, some stars, an anarchy symbol and a two row of checkers. I'm also craving piercings in odd places.

OK so back to the subject in hand...
I've been trying to comprise and design 3 new drinks menu's for Lily's but it's proving difficult trying to remember all the drinks we stock and not choosing cocktails or shooters with inappropriate names such as 'Rotten Pussy' 'Bird Shit' or 'Puerto Rican Monkey Fuck'- I just don't think that's the image we're going for.

I can't figure out the best way to learn how to play the guitar either. I mean it seems pointless spending money on a DVD or tutorial books when I have the whole Interweb at my disposal but it's awkward because my PC lives at my dad's and I live elsewhere, meh :(
Although, I did buy a tuner and 3 plectrums today hehe

I love/hate buying for other people. Birthdays, Christmas', Valentines Day ;)
I always want to buy EVERYTHING IN SIGHT but never have enough money to do it. This just makes me sad :((

I also don't seem to be doing much other than sitting on my PC most days. Plus it's like too cold to venture far. And not seeing my boy, sorry, man hehe MISS YOU more n more... pfft!!
Guess it's just one of those things. Although I'm experiencing Deja Vu. It would be much easier if I wasn't living at that damn hotel, for more reasons than one.

Facebook is ruining my life. I just can't get anything done. Fooking FB!!!

P.S. Join my clan/coven on Vampiric Lineages, many thanks :P



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Now playing: White Lies - Farewell To The Fairground
via FoxyTunes

Ok so I'd been thinking about it for a while now and finally got off me backside and brought one..........





Oooh baby. My progress to follow although it may take a while lol




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Now playing: The Verve - I See Houses
via FoxyTunes

I love these soooooooooooooooo much...







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Now playing: Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous
via FoxyTunes

Slightly Scary


Joel as Medusa


The "new me" & Joel




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Now playing: Aaliyah - At Your Best
via FoxyTunes

I'm starting to feel more and more argry, day by day and it's not good. I'm trying to control it but all I really want to do is confront the bitch, I want to know why? I'm really starting to resent the fact that she is the reason for my well being and state of mind. She is the reason for my self doubt and SHE is the reason I've cut myself, been suicidal and generally been a messed up individual. If I stay much longer I'm going to end up doing or saying something I may regret.

All of this could of been prevented, ALL OF IT! I didn't have to go through this had she stepped up to the plate and done what she was supposed to. And now even though I'm controlling my anger, I want some sort of justice. There's no love, just emptyness. And the more I argue, the more I want out. I need to get out of there before....

I don't know what to do :'(




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Now playing: TQ - Westside
via FoxyTunes

Well I'm not entirely sure how it went tbh...

Now when I enquired about the job yesterday with Jobseekers Direct the lady on the phone told me that auditions were being held at N.C.F.C between the hours of 10am-12pm and 1pm-4pm (I even wrote the details down as she was giving them to me) but when I got there for around 2pm (after getting a wee bit lost) the lovely yet extremely camp "receptionist" politely informed me that auditions had come to an end and all auditionees should have arrived by 10am prompt...Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!

I then went on to explain my lateness and he scurried off to see if they could still give me an audition. Thankfully he returned with the good news. 'Take a seat and someone will be out to see you shortly' he said. Oh how wonderful I thought. So he takes my name and hands me a sticker with numbers on it.

There I am having a lil chit chat with my mate Ellese when he comes over again and points me in the direction of a burly woman and a scrawny man and tells me they're ready to see me. As I make my way over they apologize as there is now no P.A. system for me to sing into. Relieved that my bellowing voice will not be projected in to every corner of this very small function room, I introduce myself and once again explain my reason for being unfashionably late.

They ask me what music I liked so I told them 'allsorts' and then continued to tell them 'I grew up listening black influenced music but for the past 4/5 years I've become more of a rock chick.' They then ask me to sing a few bars of a couple of songs.





'My first choice is Black Velvet' So I belt out the first verse and chorus... only slightly off key due to my nerves and me shaking like a leaf. 'And my second choice is going to be Walking In Memphis' Once again I sing the first verse and chorus. The next few minutes were a total blur tbh They thanked me and I dashed off to sit with Ellese.

The "receptionist" then calls me over to fill in an application form which I take back to my seat to fill in. Before I'd even finished filling it in I then get called for a brief interview with a very polite and nice young lady. 'Take a seat Selena' she says. I then sit and she proceeds to ask me a few basic questions. My height? Am I asthmatic? Why do I want to work for the company? How far am I willing to travel? Then it hits me, last year I wouldn't of even cared where they wanted to place me so long as it wasn't in Yarmouth but this year I don't want to leave. I have my reasons and they're all good.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, all I've ever wanted is to move out of this shithole but I have different priorities now. Ones that make me sit back and look at different options. Ones that also make me wonder, is it really such a bad place? I mean there are certainly worse places to live! I'm not going to lie and say my opinion has changed of the place but I'm just not sure it's as bad as I or anyone else make it out to be............. Of course my opinion may well change in the next few months lol

Oh and Haven will contact me hopefully within the next 7days but tbh judging by the stuck up, snooty gits that obviously think they're above everyone else who auditioned, I couldn't give a monkeys either way!!






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Now playing: Kings of Leon - Red Morning Light
via FoxyTunes

Well sometime between the hours of 13:00 and 16:00 I will be auditioning for Haven Holiday Parks along with hundreds of other hopefulls.

Nervous? I'm actually going to pee myself and god knows how I'll get to sleep tonight...

My song choices are:

• Black Velvet- Alannah Miles
  
• Warwick Avenue- Duffy
• Hero- Mariah Carey/X Factor Finalists

Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it!!



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Now playing: The Kooks - Time Awaits
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Shayne Ward - Breathless
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game
via FoxyTunes

Bite Marks


Scratch marks that last forever (well just the one!)


My pink toenails





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Now playing: Kelly Rowland - Daylight (feat. Gym Class Heroes)
via FoxyTunes

What a difference a few days can make.
Sunday I thought my world was collapsing around me yet come Thursday (today) I'm on top of the world. I have say I do really love this calming effect that my boyfriend has over me. When I'm with him I just feel so so comfortable and happy. It's great. It's not a smothering relationship. We both do our own thing. I trust him 110% and I just want him to know this, I think you're FAB hehe

So apart from having the MOST gorgeous bf ever, I've also got my job back at Lily's and we all know how much I love it there. Got a few things lined up. Thinking about applying for Ents jobs at the local holiday parks as I really want to get back into singing. Determined to get things back on track and 2009 my best yet...

Now Aaron if you're reading this, I hope your not too embarressed ;)



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Now playing: Kings of Leon - California Waiting
via FoxyTunes

...No make-up




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Now playing: Bobby Brown - Two Can Play That Game [K Klassic Mix]
via FoxyTunes

......LMAO




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Now playing: Mystery Jets - First To Know
via FoxyTunes

I shed a few tears sometime after the initial shock set in... then blocked it out but it's creeping up on me slowly. I can feel it and today is going to be so so hard. I don't want to say 'I'm devasted' or 'hurt' or 'angry' or 'emotional' or 'close to a mental breakdown' because if I let myself think those things then that's how I'll end up and I know it'll be a prolonged feeling. It won't last just a day or two. It'll last weeks, months even and I'm not prepared to go through that right now. I need to block it out. I need to get out of this place. I can't be around certain people. I want to ask questions but I know all I'll get is lies. Don't want to drag up the past but I need to know the truth. I think I need some help.................




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Now playing: The Raconteurs - The Switch and the Spur
via FoxyTunes

...I'm wearing less and less make-up on a daily basis. Gone are the days when I wouldn't even leave the house without a full face of cosmetic badness. Maybe I'm more confident? I don't feel it though... or maybe I'm less caring of how other men see me when I one of my own lol I dunno?!

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Now playing: The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
via FoxyTunes

In life is to be tied up and .......

Well, they say that a woman hits her sexual peak in her thirties. This to me is slightly worrying at the age of 24 lol I'm definitely worse than most men for thinking about it hahahahahaha




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Now playing: James Morrison - Under The Influence
via FoxyTunes

But I'm gonna keep pushing on because I'm not letting this year be a total waste like last year. I'm trying my hardest but it's oviously not enough is it?? Where am I going so wrong?? So many negative vibes around me just makes me wanna cry :'( I don't know how the hell I thought I could help others when I can't even help myself........ I'll just give up shall I? Be alot fucking easier.



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Now playing: Andy C @ Westfest 2006
via FoxyTunes

...The magic happens, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaron!!!!!!!!

(Get in ma bed bitch, LMAO)



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Now playing: The Automatic - Love In This Club
via FoxyTunes

I likey this v.much

FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no fucking luck at all. So got my new contract phone for like £35 p/m and not long after, had problems at work and now got no income to pay for the bloody thing. Smashed the internal screen and it's been cut off so doesn't even work anyway!! So gotta find £35 plus last months £35 plus £30 to get it repaired.... WTF?! £100 for a phone i can't even use, nice! Then put my old one on eBay but went and lost it after the bid had ended and the bloke had paid for it! So I've either gotta pay £30 on my insurance to get a replacement sent to this guy or refund the £60 (which I haven't got) before he sues my arse! But I'm skint.... Rent was due Monday also...

I'm ready to snap!


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Now playing: Jamie T - Salvador
via FoxyTunes

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Now playing: The Kooks - Ooh La
via FoxyTunes

So a few things to write about...

Firstly, I would like say that I am in fact going to be a bigger person and state that whatever sh*t stirring people wanna bring to the table... BRING IT 'cos I'm so not interested. I'm very much happy and nothing is going to change my mind or opinions. If said rumours are true then so what?! I appreciate those of you who are concerned about me but trust me when I say, i'm a big girl who can look after herself. People can change and I believe in second chances!

Secondly, I spent my first NYE in about 11yrs IN DOORS!! And it was lovely. Strange but lovely all thanks to some great company...mwah ;)

Thirdly, I was gonna do that whole NY's Resolution thing but thought 'Sod it, just take each day as it comes'

Forthly, my attempts at designing websites are just useless purely because I don't have the attention span... damn iTunes/Facebook/MSN and so on...



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Now playing: Kings of Leon - 17
via FoxyTunes